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Did Philip Fart?
I am having a very productive Saturday morning trying to categorize my blogs so they make more sense and are easier to find- for me and my patients….and for the reader out in cyberland. Now one thing I realized is- I have an enormous number of blogs half written. The number of conferences and workshops I have been to, started or half finished a blog and then got distracted and boom- that thought gone and that blog never finished. A job for my work colleagues one day may be to take a title and run with it and finish the blog (she crosses fingers and wishes very hard).
But when I came across this one I really had to finish it and publish it! Why? 1. Because it is pretty funny; 2. It proves what I always say to any patient who is mortified about sneaky gas – that even the Queen (or maybe in this case, Prince Philip) farts; 3. Most importantly everybody in the picture as of 9th April, 2016 is still living!
Of course sneaky gas is never really funny for the person enduring it – it’s often as a result of a 3rd or 4th degree tear at childbirth; can be a result of aging; the foods we eat; or surgery involving the anal sphincter. Sneaky gas is just that…sneaky. It announces itself in the worst way for many people without warning, which is why (commonly) women are so mortified by the event. It can be in a board meeting; it can be in the classroom of 13 yr old boys if you are a teacher- the worst possible scenario; or it can be at the height of passion when having sex and the mood (mostly for the woman) is utterly destroyed.
The idea of me writing this blog and using this poem, (once again sourced from Mum’s friend, Peg, who is a prolific supplier of funny ditties, poems and cartoons), is so I can reiterate the management of anal incontinence (both faecal and gas) as found in this blog, this blog and this blog
So here is the poem:
What is a fart?
A fart is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter,
And suffocates the fleas.
A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud
A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song…….
A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent, and deadly.
A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while…….
A fart can occur
in a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces .
From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later..
But farts are all bad,
 Is simply not true-
We must never forget…….
Sweet old farts like you!
In the meantime to help your problem if you have one, get onto the APA Find a Physio website and find your closest Continence and Women’s Health physiotherapist to help you with this silent (or not so silent) problem!